The world is heavy, when sleep eludes
Too much time for foolish mental feuds
Why I did this, and didn’t do that
For me or for them, for thin or for fat
Still I’m staring at the wall…

Perhaps in the past, the wall was a song
Its swirls telling me no sense of wrong
What changed it, loss or gain?
Lack of sunshine? Need for rain?
My mind spills excess angst…

Tomorrow morning, it seems so far
Yet I stare at the wall, too tired for war
Sometimes thinking of tasting a few -
More than a mouthful of white or blue
But something holds me back…

I think a bit of mother, is that cliché?
Would I be different, to have her today?
And is she fat and happy over there
Where apparently she shouldn’t care
But I do…

Will I follow her footsteps? Or maybe dad?
To do the unforgivable as I go mad?
Will I keep crawling deeper, or find a thing
To aim for, to laugh, to sing?
Or will I fucking suck…?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m really trying!
Making crimson bloom, for a sense of flying
The Chairman and his sister scratch and bite
And somehow, this also, gives me some fight
And I get out of bed for awhile.